The journey has begun now, I am sitting on a deserted tube carriage on my way to Heathrow.
Walking out of my flat for the last time was difficult. My room became just a room, someone elses room. All the things that made it mine were missing, the memories hung in the air and I stood still and breathed it in as London moments flashed before my eyes. I was late and had to go quickly before I became too absorbed in reminiscing on what had been.
It is really sad that all of the people that made London so special for me weren't there to see me on my way. I have never set off on a trip of such magnitude with no one to take me to the airport. Such loneliness is testament to how far I have come and speaks volumes on why I need to go home.
I got angry with myself this morning, my backpack weighs a ton, definitely more than 20 kilos (i found out at check in it is 24.9... OMG).I left the flat with the intention of being a lush packer complete with various posh lotions and potions that I know now I will never use (a massive cull is in store).
I felt nauseous on my walk to the train station, a massive knot filled my tummy, bigger than a large balloon and I was not sure I would make the last 200 metres. I sat down briefly and pondered the situation before grimacing with the weight and walking on- head high.
That brings me to now, where I sit on a desolate carriage alone with my thoughts.
I am now at the airport and getting ready to board. The knot from earlier today is back and my hands are shaking. Am I doing the right thing? Nerves I never knew I had have come to the surface. I am listening to my ipod as I write this- Joni Mitchell is playing and she's struck a chord with me.
I have now landed at Dulles International Airport (pronounced Dullas... not Dulls as I imagined). I was meet at the airport by Ian my tracksuit pant wearing Texan shuttle driver. I was the only passenger and we spoke not one word in the 30 minute drive here to the Comfort Inn. That was strange and so unlike me.
On arrival, I checked in and told reception I was starving- every bit the all American girl with a big toothy grin encased in scarlet lips with red nails to match directed me to Papa Johns the local pizza joint. It was sterile and the manager was on the phone to his ex wife Kathryn screaming about a custody dispute.. Welcome to America! I got a small take away pepperoni pizza which was massive and mostly uneaten.
Now I sit in my apricot coloured room waiting for the morning which will lead me to Mexico.
I cant wait to see Ra at the airport. I long for her embrace to take away the sadness that is leaving London.
Much love from the Comfort Inn Dulles International Airport.